The passing of a husband or wife can be one of the most tragic events a human being has to face. Because when this happens, not only the spouse is lost, with him dreams, emotional stability and the direction of life go away. Getting over such a loss takes time. However, it is not necessary to face the search for a new love with strangeness. Just wait for the right moment and move on.
Part 1 of 3: Checking If You're Ready to Date
Step 1. Wait
Don't be in a hurry to go back to dating. After spending years with the same person, regardless of whether it was a good or bad relationship, it will take time for all the pain to heal. Remember that there is no right way to manifest suffering or a predetermined time to get over it.
If it's still difficult to talk about your spouse without getting deeply emotional, it's a sign that you still need more time before looking for a new love. In the meantime, focus on your health, eating properly, exercising, and refraining from certain self-destructive behaviors, such as drinking alcohol and using illegal drugs. Join a support group or seek therapy
Step 2. Don't forget
Moving on does not mean forgetting the person you love, as if all the years lived by her side didn't exist. Forgetting is a drastic, and perhaps impractical, way to overcome loss. The closer and closer you have been, the more difficult it will be to get back to a normal life.
Fight for acceptance. Try to integrate your spouse's memory into your new reality. Plan for the future. Socialize through new activities such as going to the library, getting a part-time job (if you are retired), discovering a new hobby, joining a gym, adopting a pet, volunteering to help the next, etc
Step 3. Find out what you want
The purpose of dating is not to replace the deceased spouse. Trying to find someone exactly like him will only cause disappointment. Give some thought to what qualities you are looking for in someone. However, be realistic, the longer the list of qualities, the less likely you are to find.
For example, if traveling is in your plans, look for someone who also likes to travel
Step 4. Don't feel guilty
It is normal for the widower to feel guilty about going out in search of a new love. It's not cheating to smile at a suitor or go out to have fun with someone. Get over that kind of feeling and consider yourself single now. After all, if it were possible, your spouse would encourage you to enjoy the rest of your life without guilt.
Part 2 of 3: Getting Back to Active
Step 1. Tell friends and family
The first step to take is to inform the people closest to you of your decision to go back to dating. Hopefully, they will support you and introduce you to a potential suitor. The problem is that it is not always possible to find someone through a very narrow circle of acquaintances.
As your social circle should be limited to your and your spouse's friends, the chances of getting a boyfriend will be much greater if you can communicate your intentions to more people, for example: church members, neighbors and other acquaintances in the community. Surveys say that the best dating opportunities come from not-so-close acquaintances
Step 2. Go to more social events
Fill your calendar with appointments where you can meet more people. On the other hand, going to events you used to attend with your spouse can leave you out of place. Find new group activities that you feel good about and can still make new friends. Always keep yourself open to new dating opportunities.
Step 3. Make a profile on a dating site
While their marriage may not have originated on the internet, many widowers and widowers have been able to find quality partners on popular dating sites. Have no fear.
- Before connecting with a suitor over the internet, be concerned about your own safety. Do not provide personal information such as address, telephone and email. Also, review the security settings of your social media accounts.
- Does one of the candidates sound too good to be true? Be strict and do a search for the person's name on the internet and also a reverse search using the photo they use on their profile, so you can prove that they are who they claim to be.
- Always make first appointments in public places and never accept rides. Let someone know where you will be and what time you plan to return home. It is even acceptable to take a friend to sit at another table and ensure their safety during the meeting.
- In short, the rule of thumb for a first date is: that it be during the day and in a casual, public place, such as a snack bar or ice cream parlor. Even if they progress to their first dinner, it's still not time to pick up the suitor at home or vice versa – each one arriving at the restaurant the way they're used to.
Step 4. Take it easy
Wait as long as it takes to feel comfortable enough to move forward in the relationship. Don't rush things. Get to know the other person calmly, examine what their real interests and feelings are, and then take the next step.
Don't be afraid to have a casual relationship with several people simultaneously before choosing one. Restrain the rush of wanting to settle down again. Take the opportunity to have fun, enjoy yourself and discover all the possibilities that the world has in store for you
Part 3 of 3: Going on a date
Step 1. Decide when to say you are a widower
If you are seeing someone who belongs to your social circle, obviously, there will be no need to reinforce the news. On the other hand, when using a social networking site, prefer to share the information in your profile or tell your prospect during the first exchanges of messages, before an eventual meeting in person.
Follow your instincts to decide what else to count besides your spouse's passing. Confiding details of the past – such as the cause of death or what life was like as a couple – can create strong bonds between you and the suitor, however, it can also make you feel left out
Step 2. Slap the look
It's probably been quite a while since your last meeting. Show respect and consideration through appearance, producing yourself appropriately for the occasion. Go out and buy clothes that will boost your confidence during the date – get a friend to help you.
While it's not necessary to make a complete change to your look, it's nice to be well groomed and bred to feel more confident. Exercising will make you feel even better, especially if you come to cultivate a healthy lifestyle, which will still leave you looking much more positive and youthful
Step 3. Have a nice time
Start the date with a smile and a positive attitude. If you are uncomfortable with the person or unsure of the process of meeting someone new, cancel the date. It is necessary for both of you to be excited and emotionally present during your time together.
Step 4. Reflect on your expectations
Even if you've found the right person, dating doesn't always go as expected. Understand that the success of a relationship shouldn't be measured by the euphoria or the problems at the beginning. Go to each encounter with the awareness that no matter what happens in the love field, you cannot miss the opportunity to make a new friend.
Let go of expectations and take pride in simply being in the moment
- Consider yourself a warrior for dating again after the loss of a spouse. Take pride in having found the strength to move forward.
- Cut your hair, do your nails or buy new clothes. Do something to mark the new chapter that is starting in your life.