How to Know if a Girl is Playing Hard

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How to Know if a Girl is Playing Hard
How to Know if a Girl is Playing Hard

In the big game of love, a girl can play hard to test your level of commitment and make you work hard to win her over. She'll always say she's too busy to go out and will take a while to return her calls. But how do you know if she's playing hard to get or just doesn't like you?


Part 1 of 2: How to tell if she's playing hard to get

Tell if a Girl Is Playing Hard to Get Step 1

Step 1. Ask her out and see how she responds

This is one way to see if there is still hope. She might say it's not available on the day you suggested it, but on another. She can say “no” but can comment on a place she wants to go. Or, she may not commit to leaving, but may tell you to wait and see.

  • A direct and objective “no” indicates that she is not interested, she will hardly go back on the decision or contact you.
  • Know when to make room and stop. If you ask her out too often or too often, you will appear too desperate and unattractive.
Tell if a Girl Is Playing Hard to Get Step 2

Step 2. Contact her and see how long it takes her to respond

If she's slow to respond, even if you just said “Hi,” chances are she's playing hard to get, especially if she's giving the excuse that she's “too busy” to respond earlier. She will say she was at a party with friends or somewhere else with someone else. This goes to show that she is not a dependent person.

  • The delay in the answers must occur in a consistent and almost strategic way. If she takes a few days to respond or makes some lame excuse, chances are she's not interested enough in you.
  • Some girls are not in the habit of answering messages or calls right away. Don't overthink it or get mad. If she's showing signs that she's interested in you, take a deep breath and understand that she's just a busy or forgetful person.
Tell if a Girl Is Playing Hard to Get Step 3

Step 3. See if it shows you have competitors

A girl who plays difficult wants to look difficult. It's her way of showing that there are options and that you can be replaced at any time.

  • Maybe she brings some cute friends to a party just to make you jealous.
  • She'll tease you by talking about people who've hit on her and been rejected. It may seem like she's just ridiculing others, but it's just so you can see how attractive she is.
  • If she talks about people having been out then she is not interested in you and just wants to have you as a friend. Don't see this as a failure, but as an opportunity to have a great friend. However, not everyone can be friends with someone they are attracted to. If that's your case, don't feel bad about pulling away and looking for someone else.

Part 2 of 2: Finding out if she's interested in you

Tell if a Girl Is Playing Hard to Get Step 4

Step 1. Look for physical signs of attraction

Even though she's playing hard to get, there's still interest. If so, she will send out signals that she likes you. It can be difficult to notice these signs, so pay close attention to her body language to identify these signs:

  • She always touches you. She might touch your shoulder or arms when she talks to you. Maybe she'll come over and lean her body against you. There will always be an excuse or reason for you to touch each other all the time.
  • She smiles a lot at you. She may look at you from across the room and smile spontaneously.
  • She draws attention with her body. She may bite her lip, fiddle with her hair, or cross her legs. Whether consciously or unconsciously, she does this so that you pay attention to her body.
  • She hugs you in a special way. If she's not a big hugger, then this is an obvious sign that she feels something more for you. This is a way to get closer and show affection. Even if it doesn't seem like there's anything special about the hug, be happy with the gesture.
Tell if a Girl Is Playing Hard to Get Step 5

Step 2. Listen carefully to what she has to say

A girl who is interested will demonstrate through conversation. Therefore, it is important to know how to capture the messages between the lines. A simple “Hello” can have ulterior motives if you pay attention to how she speaks.

  • She laughs at your silly jokes. Her friends might laugh out of politeness at your jokes, but if she laughs heartily and says you're “hilarious,” then she certainly feels something more. Just be careful not to confuse a laugh of praise with an embarrassment.
  • She always compliments you. In her opinion, you are funny, kind and have beautiful hair. However, some girls can do the opposite and offend you. This is an old flirting technique that almost everyone uses to make the target low in self-esteem, making the offender look much more attractive. However, care must be taken not to confuse this with a genuine lack of interest. A few insults here and there don't hurt, but if she does it constantly, it's probably because she doesn't like you.
Tell if a Girl Is Playing Hard to Get Step 6

Step 3. Notice how she acts around you and others

If she changes drastically when she's around you, whether it's because she's silly or flirtatious, she certainly feels different when she's around you.

  • To find out what her normal behavior is, observe her when she is around friends. Choose times when she won't notice you're watching her. See if she changes when she notices you are around. She can be more serious, quiet or happy.
  • See how her friends behave around you. If they keep whispering, laughing, or scowling, it's because you're probably their hot topic at the moment.
  • Don't assume that a change in behavior indicates she's into you. She may be playing hard to get or she may have no interest at all.
Tell if a Girl Is Playing Hard to Get Step 7

Step 4. Play hard too

If you are unsure of her intentions, take a little control of the situation. It works even better if you know what her intentions are.

  • Flirt with her, but not too much. Leave her in doubt about your intentions with her. That way, the situation will be fun, as if it were always a novelty.
  • Keep the mystery. Play some tips about yourself to make her curious. You will look more intriguing and attractive.
  • Some girls, even those who are playing hard to get, may not like this approach, after all, the point of playing hard is to make the other person try harder - not less. Instead, follow the rules of her game and show that you're willing to win her.
Tell if a Girl Is Playing Hard to Get Step 8

Step 5. Stand back and give space

Finally, you must let her decide if she wants to have something more with you or not. The worst thing you could do is become obsessed. Never harass a person, no matter how interested you are.

  • No, it is not. If she rejects your advances or asks you to stop contacting her, respect her decision and stop immediately.
  • Don't ask her out all the time, or keep demanding attention from her.
  • Don't chase the girl or her friends for information.


  • Know how to notice when a girl is playing too hard. If she's making things too difficult, it's a good idea to step back and review your intentions with her. Your time is as valuable as the girl you are interested in.
  • Be yourself. It's not nice to pretend to be someone you're not just to get a girl to like you. The relationship won't hold up and you'll be exhausted from having to pretend to be someone else.
  • When both are officially together, the games must stop. It's time for one to be true to another. Treat her with the love and respect she deserves.
  • If you are in doubt about her intentions, the best thing to do is to air your feelings at once. It can be exhausting, but it will help you to clear up your doubts and move forward in any direction.


  • There are exceptions to the signals explained above. Not every girl plays by the same rules. Treat each person as a unique being.
  • Every relationship must be openly consensual. Both must be aware of the situation before doing anything together. This is especially true before having sex. Consensus must be voluntary, enthusiastic and authorized by a “YES”.

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