If you've been married for a while, you may need to rekindle the flame with your wife. During courtship, intense passion sharpens the couple's sensitivity to ways to please each other. After marriage, however, several factors lead both parties to focus more on other aspects of life: work, housekeeping, raising children. Love comes in many forms - finding the ones that appeal to your wife is what you need to get her to fall in love with you again.
Method 1 of 3: Rekindling the Romance
Step 1. Praise her
Cheer your wife up with compliments-preferably the same compliments you used to give her when you first started dating-and she'll love you more and more.
- If you get praised in the morning, you'll have a more pleasant day knowing you have a husband who admires you and thinks you're beautiful.
- Be persistent. If she refuses or disdains your compliment because you don't believe in his sincerity, don't give up. To let her know you're serious, repeat the compliment, but this time hugging her and looking her in the eye.
- Refraining from looking at other women with greed is a way to be more respectful. Quick glances sometimes happen without our being able to control them, but staring or commenting on other women's appearance hurts your wife. Try to pay more attention to it, and your effort will not go unnoticed.
- Brag about it to others. She'll love him even more if she hears him do that. Even if you're not around, you might find out from a third party that you've been praising her, and the effect will be the same.
Step 2. Spoil her
No need to fill it with jewelry, expensive clothes and bags. You can give her a back rub, prepare a rose bath for her, or send her a bouquet of flowers at work.
- Buy a cozy robe for her to wear after a hot shower.
- Let her spend time alone to relax and do whatever she wants.
- Cook her favorite dish for dinner. The only job she should have is sitting at the table and eating - the rest is up to her.
- Present her with slippers for her to wear at home.
- Pack a picnic and go with her to a beautiful, secluded place.
- Scented cosmetics are foolproof. Gift her with toiletries, prepare her a bath with rose petals, and as soon as she jumps out of the tub, greet her with the robe and slippers you bought.
- Chocolates are also a good gift for almost anyone.
Step 3. Write a love letter
Women love receiving love letters to the extent that this gesture is rare these days. It's great to receive affectionate messages, tweets and e-mails, but opening an envelope and finding a letter your loved one has written in their own hand is something they will never forget.
- Write the most romantic memories and ideas you have about your wife on beautiful stationery. Scent him with that cologne or aftershave she always praises. Try writing her a romantic letter a week for a year.
- Do not copy texts from the internet. In order for the letter to be sincere and emotional, try to allude to feelings and situations that you actually experience in your relationship.
- Try writing poetry. The gesture will be received with great tenderness, even if you have never written a poem before.
Step 4. Plan a romantic program, which doesn't have to be the typical, perhaps boring, movie followed by dinner
Do something new, inspired and daring, and the romance will be warmed by lasting memories.
- Try something spontaneous and adventurous, like going to the airport without luggage and taking a flight somewhere you've never been before.
- Or it could be something constructive: a pottery course, ice skating, tantric massage classes, or some such activity.
- Look for something new: a balloon ride, mountaineering, horseback riding.
Step 5. Take a trip into the past
The good thing about long weddings is that they are full of good memories - memories that don't need to rot in photo albums: relive them! Treat your wife as you would have treated her when she was just your girlfriend.
- Visit the place where you met. Kiss her and praise her like you did when you were trying to win her heart. Take her to the restaurant or movie theater for her first date.
- Review your wedding footage together. Comment on how beautiful she looked that day - and how she continues to this day.
Step 6. Practice quality sex
Excessive preoccupation with the amount of sex, or losing room for other responsibilities, such as work and children, can make sex more of an obligation than a way to reaffirm intimacy. Once a week, forget about the world and try to spend pleasant moments with your wife indoors. Show her that making love to her is still important to you.
- There is no ideal frequency of sexual intercourse. What can help you win back your wife is having quality sex, not too much sex. In moments of intimacy, don't skimp on those little gestures that transform the mere sexual act into making love.
- Creating a romantic mood with scented candles, sensual music and a bath won't necessarily hurt you, but that's not what guarantees quality sex. Quality sex involves, rather, showing desire and love for your partner.
Step 7. Be clean
Maintain good hygiene habits and take care of your health, and you will be a source of pride and admiration for your wife. Also, she will enjoy being seen with a well-groomed man. Shower every day, wear clean clothes, brush your teeth and comb your hair.
- It also means taking care of yourself: put your clothes in the laundry basket and clean the sink when you shave.
- Have good manners. When you share a house with someone for a long time, it's easy to abuse intimacy. If you let out a burp or flatus near your wife, apologize.
Method 2 of 3: Helping at Home
Step 1. Help with household chores
If your wife has been accumulating all the chores around the house as the years go by, it's time to change that: she'll have more time to do what she loves if she doesn't have to spend as much time around the house. Plus, she'll be grateful for your help with cleaning and tidying up.
- Child care is an important aspect of family life. Getting them to brush their teeth, take them to the bathroom, dress them, comb them, and prepare breakfast are time-consuming tasks throughout the day. A few days a week, take these errands off your wife's shoulders - she'll enjoy taking a break and seeing you get along with the kids more.
- Do the same with pets: feed the dogs, take them to bathe and walk more often. Both your wife and your four-legged friend will be pleased.
- Start washing the dishes (and polish the silver if you have it) a few times a week. Also try washing and ironing your clothes.
Step 2. Recognize her work more
Show how much you appreciate what she does for the house. Housework, taking the kids to and fro and going to the market isn't very exciting - especially when you have to balance it all with your career. If you don't participate in any of this, at least give your wife the recognition she deserves.
- Husband recognition is important because housekeeping rarely, at best, yields bonuses, salary increases, or promotions-but it's the work on which the family's happiness and success depend.
- Remind your wife that she is the reason you all live not just in a house, but in a home. The kind of work she does requires strength, love and skill, and cannot be overlooked.
Step 3. Notice the little things
It is thanks to them that great things can happen. Notice when she cuts her hair, wears new jewelry or prepares a different dish. She will be happy to see that you pay enough attention to her to notice these small details.
- And there are small gestures you can do: walk with her hand in hand or hug her when you're watching a movie, for example. These attitudes show that you love her and are happy to have her by your side.
- Don't forget to say "thank you". Your wife did not give up being human when she married you. Everything she does for you is on her own initiative, and you must show your gratitude.
Method 3 of 3: Making the Most of Your Time Together
Step 1. Listen to it
Communication is the secret to a long-lived marriage. Plus, listening to your partner is the only way you can understand her ideas, interests, and choices. Listen to her carefully the next time she starts talking about what excites her - it shows that you take her seriously and know the value of the woman you have by your side.
- When talking to her, make eye contact, don't stray and try to understand what she's talking about.
- Listening carefully demonstrates your desire to communicate with her on a deeper level. Remember how interesting you found her on your first date? Try to rediscover that excitement, and she will also remember what she saw good in you. Listen to what she has to say with empathy.
- Show your attention through body language and words: when she speaks, lean forward, make eye contact, shake your head, hold her hands, and when there are pauses, say "yes" or "agree".
Step 2. Show loyalty
Loyalty and trust are indispensable to happiness in lasting relationships, and they go hand in hand: it's almost impossible to regain the trust of someone you've let yourself down. Be faithful to your wife both emotionally and physically-both are important.
- It is through your loyalty that your wife can be sure that you will be there for her, supporting her with your words and actions, when she is in a difficult time.
- Loyalty involves keeping what you promised. Don't betray your words and act correctly.
- Respect your wife's weaknesses and do what you can to complement them - as she probably tries to make up for yours. Being irritated by these weaknesses or humiliating you for them is not loyalty.
- Say only good things about your wife to others. It's okay to complain about your frustrations to a close friend, but cursing your partner behind your back would be an undignified attitude.
Step 3. Have common goals
Long-term goals help to nurture old relationships. Bonds between two people naturally tighten when they have things to work out together. Do you want to buy a new house or renovate your current one? Traveling to an exotic place? This kind of plan ends up being put aside over time. Try to set some short-term and long-term goals together with your wife.
- You can write a list of goals separately and compare the two. Are there similarities between them? They should be your joint goals.
- Try to readjust these goals over the years. This demonstrates that you care about the success of your marriage and that you want to stay with your wife for a lifetime.
- Common goals are what help the relationship reach stability and maturity as spouses gain increasing importance in each other's lives.
- Celebrate the goals you've accomplished over the years. Everything a couple accomplishes side by side should be celebrated and remembered.
Step 4. Be someone who conveys security
Feeling safe physically, financially and emotionally is a human need. You won't give it to your wife by fighting the men who sing it in the street, but by being someone whose love is felt and whom she knows she can turn to in times of need.
- Dedicate time and attention to your wife and children. With that, she will feel more secure about the relationship, and the family will be more united.
- To convey security, be assertive. Married life is fuller when both parties can be honest about their own emotions and express them clearly, and are sure they can talk about their needs without the other person feeling attacked.
Step 5. Be morally strong
Show that you will be with your wife in good times as well as bad. She will be more likely to imagine a future with someone she can turn to. Protect her and don't let them curse her. Make her feel safe and secure.
- Be understanding when your wife goes through a crisis in her personal or professional life: hug her, tell her you love her, and remind her that everything will be fine. This is how she will fall in love with you again.
- Be kind to others. Every woman wants a generous, patient, and understanding husband. If you are that man, you will always have a guaranteed place in your wife's heart.
Step 6. Give him space
Everyone needs space, and your wife, who probably goes out of her way to take care of the house and perform well at work, is no exception. Take the kids for a walk so she has the house all to herself and can do what she loves - even if it's lying down on the couch and watching TV.
- Encourage her to take evening walks with her friends to relax and forget about everyday problems.
- Encourage her to take up a hobby that allows her to unwind from family life.
Step 7. Seek love and happiness in therapy
If there are serious issues that you and your spouse need to resolve, or if you just think your married life could improve with the help of a capable person, couples therapy may be the answer. Therapy will help you communicate better with your partner and show her your interest in solving all your problems, however small.
- Therapy, insofar as it expresses your desire to understand your partner better, is a great way to strengthen bonds with her, even if you are not in crisis.
- Therapy helps to exercise skills that strengthen the relationship: open communication, problem solving, reconciling divergent opinions, and so on.
- The therapist can help the couple recognize the good and bad aspects of the relationship and identify persistent sources of conflict.