Everyone can be quite insecure and stressed when they like someone a lot, but they're not sure if the other person feels the same way. If you don't know whether or not a guy is playing with your feelings, start thinking about the things he says and does when he's around you. While the only way to be absolutely sure is by asking the question directly or by catching the boy in the act, there are plenty of clues that can help you find out if someone is not being sincere, and it's important that you open your eyes as soon as possible.
Part 1 of 3: Observing His Attitudes
Step 1. Note if he only wants to go out to certain areas of the city
A good way to find out whether or not someone is playing with your feelings is to see if the person is comfortable going anywhere, or if they are nervous or reluctant when you say you want to go to a different neighborhood in town or do something new. In the second case, maybe this guy is dating girls from other regions and doesn't want to run the risk of bumping into one of them in the middle of the date. To find out the truth, casually express your desire to dine at a different restaurant, watch a movie at another cinema, or spend the day in another city park, and see if this provokes any strange reaction in the boy.
- Guys who play with other people's feelings tend to calculate each step down to the smallest detail, so you can catch the lie if you try to change your boyfriend's usual hours.
- Ask yourself if he's always the one who decides where to go - obviously someone can take control of this kind of situation for other reasons, but this can be a good indication that a guy wants to avoid places he's more likely to find himself. with another "girlfriend".
Step 2. Notice if he shows hesitation when it comes to meeting your friends or introducing yours to you
A person who never wants to meet their partner's friends may not be interested in a serious relationship - the same goes for someone who doesn't want to introduce their friends to you, in which case the guy might also be afraid that a friend might end up saying something about the other girls he hangs out with. It doesn't matter whether or not this boy is unfaithful: if you've been together for a while and he hasn't shown any interest in introducing his friends or meeting yours, take this as a warning sign.
- A person who doesn't want to become an important part of their life is not interested in a serious relationship.
- However, keep in mind that asking to meet someone's friends or family after just a few weeks of dating is also not a good idea, as things need to happen at the right time. Your new boyfriend could have legitimate reasons for wanting to take it easy: maybe the boy wants to make sure the relationship is serious, or maybe he's just broken up and prefers to take a break until his friends get used to the relationship. idea that now he has another girlfriend.
Step 3. Observe if he behaves strangely in public
If everything always looks amazing alone or behind closed doors, but the guy adopts a cold and distant attitude when he meets you by accident in the middle of the mall or outside a restaurant, there is definitely something wrong with this story. Either way: either he does it because he's meeting another girl and doesn't want to be seen by her side, or because he doesn't want his friends or anyone else to think you're boyfriends. Anyway, that should be a cause for concern.
- A guy who really likes you would be excited to meet you and, most likely, show some affection. Of course, some people are more discreet and aren't usually as affectionate in public, but he should act like he's really happy to see you.
- Watch his body language. Does he maintain eye contact and walk towards you? If so, that's a good sign. On the other hand, if the guy walks away, folds his arms, and keeps looking around instead of looking at you, that's a sign that he wants to keep his distance.
Step 4. Notice if he avoids public displays of affection
Be wary of a guy who goes out with you on a date but treats you like a sister - he won't want anyone else to know you're together if he's playing with your feelings, or maybe wants to remain available for other options. While not everyone likes to walk hand in hand, a person would show some kind of affection for someone they really cared about.
Don't pressure him to be overly affectionate in public early on in the relationship, but open your eyes if the two of them have had several dates and he still stays three feet apart whenever other people are present
Step 5. Notice if he is affectionate one minute but becomes distant the next
If one moment the guy wants to shower her with kisses and is all loving and sweet and kind, but the next he's distant and acts like he barely knows her, that's a sign that he's playing with her feelings. Maybe he wants to spend time with you on some days, but on others he thinks he has better things to do - it doesn't matter if he prefers to spend time with friends or another girl, a guy who changes his behavior or all the time cannot be taken seriously.
Think about it: do you always get confused because you don't quite know how he feels or if the relationship is really serious? In that case, your boyfriend is playing with your heart
Step 6. Assess whether he would ever give up on a night out with friends to spend time with you
A person who does not take a partner seriously will never see him as a priority - he will always prefer to spend the night with friends, but will ask his boyfriend out on occasion when colleagues are busy or she has nothing best to do. A guy who likes you will consider you a priority, not a "plan B", so see if he can give up going out with friends so he can spend a romantic evening with you.
A guy with serious intentions will be happy to stop seeing other people so he can go out with you, at least on occasion. While no one should give up their friends or their social life for someone else, we all need to compromise in a relationship - a partner who refuses to do so is playing with the other's feelings
Step 7. Be aware if the person acts suspiciously when it comes to their phone number
A clear sign that a guy doesn't take his partner seriously is excessive discretion when using his cell phone. A guy may be playing with his feelings if he always walks away to text messages, leaves the room to take a phone call and doesn't say who was on the other end of the line, or goes hours without answering his cell phone or checking messages, but gives no plausible reason for such behavior. Of course, some people care a lot about their privacy - there's nothing wrong with that, but be wary of him if he's always on the phone and you never know who.
- Think about it: does he leave his phone somewhere, even if only for a second, or does he always keep his cell phone in his pocket? While no one should eavesdrop on someone else's phone, it's not normal for a person to be frightened by the mere thought of a girlfriend seeing who she's calling or texting.
- Another behavior of the guy that deserves attention is the habit of hanging up the phone when he is spending time by his side - although it may be a kind gesture that indicates the desire to devote full attention to his girlfriend, this can also be a way to avoid any another girl calls during inappropriate times.
Part 2 of 3: Watching What It Says
Step 1. Open your eye if he always says he's too busy for you but seems to find time for everyone else
If the guy always says he's extremely busy and can't even give up ten minutes, but then ends up spending the entire night with friends, that's a sign that he doesn't take the relationship seriously. A boy who really wants to go out with someone will find the time to do this, and while there are exceptions and some people are really busy, you should be wary if you find that he spends "he doesn't have" time in the company of other acquaintances.
A boy is playing with his heart if he says he's too busy studying or working, but he's actually doing something with someone else, even if it's his brother. He would be sincere if he really liked you
Step 2. Assess whether he avoids making appointments for more than two weeks from now
If the guy always tries to change the subject when you want to talk about the future, even if the conversation only involves plans for next month's vacation, that's a bad sign. A person who takes a relationship seriously will see his girlfriend as a part of her future, and he won't be afraid to talk about it.
- Obviously, any partner would be freaked out if they've been dating someone for three weeks and the person already wants to discuss a possible marriage, but this guy would have no reason to worry if you just want to talk about a possible trip next month.
- Pay attention to how he talks about you and the relationship - don't take a guy seriously if he never mentions the future or includes you in his plans.
Step 3. Be wary of someone who hasn't told any friend about you
If you finally get introduced or accidentally meet a friend of his, and the person says something like "I didn't know he had a girlfriend…" or simply shows surprise, it means that your supposed boyfriend didn't think the relationship was serious enough to deserve to be mentioned to someone. A person who has been dating for some time and really likes his partner will be happy with the relationship and will want to talk about his girlfriend to his friends.
- If he's usually sweet when you're alone but acts like a brother or stays distant when he's among his friends, this guy is only interested in flirting without commitment.
- Obviously, some guys like to show off a tough image in front of others, and maybe a guy doesn't shower you with kisses when he meets you in public, but he doesn't take the relationship seriously if he's never said anything about dating to his friends..
Step 4. Assess if he hesitates to call you "girlfriend"
If you consider a guy to be your boyfriend and you've been in a monogamous relationship for months, but you've never heard the word "girlfriend" come out of that person's mouth, maybe the relationship isn't all that serious in their opinion. Don't take someone's intentions seriously if they introduce you to others as a friend, or show indifference when you call them a boyfriend.
- Sometimes words can speak louder than actions, and a person who's been with you for a long time must have some reason to refuse to call you his girlfriend.
- Maybe he's not kidding you, but he's afraid to make a serious commitment - even in that case, the two of you still need to have a serious conversation.
Step 5. Watch the way he talks to other girls
To find out if someone is just playing with your heart, pay attention to how they talk to other girls. Maybe he's just polite and doesn't show any great interest in anyone when he's next to you, but notice if he seems particularly considerate or sends flirtatious signals when he's talking alone with a girl across the room.
- A guy who really likes you will have no need to flirt with other people. It's obvious that he'll still have every right to talk to anyone he wants to and won't have to ignore any girl because of you, but open your eyes if he seems to have ulterior motives when talking to someone.
- Don't start spying on him or get obsessed, but ask a friend's opinion if you're at a party and your boyfriend is talking to other girls. Although this friend shouldn't be watching the boy too obviously, you might be able to understand the situation better if you're not present - so leave the room.
Step 6. Be wary if he always has excuses for everything
A classic sign of a womanizer man is the habit of making excuses for everything, and perhaps he is so subtle and convincing as to arouse no suspicion for blatant lies. His grandmother might get sick, the dog might need an urgent visit to the vet, or the kid might miss an appointment because he "lost time" or needed to comfort a friend. Yes, unforeseen events do happen, but be wary of a person who always has an excuse on the tip of his tongue to let you down.
- If you've heard the famous "my cell phone ran out of battery" excuse more than twice in the past few weeks, this is probably not the real reason your boyfriend hasn't answered the phone.
- If the guy seems more affectionate than usual when he needs to make an excuse like that, that's another sign that maybe he wants to cover up a lie.
Step 7. Notice if he shows nervousness when confronted with questions about the night before
Another way to identify someone's games is to ask how their night went when the guy says he's staying at home or hanging out with friends. You don't have to ask every last detail, but you can ask a few casual questions about what happened - like which movie he saw on television or which bar he went to with his colleagues. Watch the guy's body and verbal language and be suspicious if he gets nervous, starts to stutter, or looks uncomfortable.
- You shouldn't question him, but you may find contradictions if you just ask a few questions casually.
- Ask the question while you're doing something else, like looking at the phone, so he doesn't suspect your ulterior motives.
Part 3 of 3: Ending Any Doubt
Step 1. Ask
The easiest way to find out if someone isn't taking us seriously is to ask them directly. Maybe you don't want to know whether or not he's seeing someone else, but you can ask him what the guy's intentions are when it comes to the relationship. It's best to dispel any illusions and find out as soon as possible whether or not someone matches your feelings, so make a date alone and ask what the boy thinks of the relationship and the future.
- Doing this isn't easy, but it's much better than suffering for months on end with the doubt - you'll have a definitive answer and you'll be able to tell if he's lying blatantly.
- If you are brave enough, ask him directly if he is unfaithful - point out any strange behavior that has raised such suspicion.
Step 2. Ask what your friends think
While it's best to ask the person directly, your friends will also be able to offer valuable opinions, as they have followed the situation closely and observed the relationship from the outside. Also, maybe they've already seen the guy with other girls and consequently have a clearer sense of the situation.
- Ask your friends to be honest - they shouldn't lie to spare their feelings.
- They could also do a little investigative work. In case it's not too obvious, a friend of yours could casually show up at a place your boyfriend usually frequents to observe him from afar and find out how he behaves with other girls. The investigation needs to be discreet, as the boy would change his behavior if he knew he was being watched.
Step 3. Assess the possibility of following your boyfriend
If you don't care at all about the possibility of being found out or of losing this guy's trust, following him after a date or simply when you know exactly where to find him can be a good alternative to discovering the truth. It doesn't matter if you plan to follow him in the car, walk or take the bus - try to keep as far away as possible so you don't get seen, and have a story up your sleeve in case you get caught. That way you can find out if he's been out with other girls or if he's really told the truth and gone home to spend time with his pets.
Keep in mind that following someone is very risky behavior and that you have a high chance of being discovered. The relationship could end if you get caught and the guy isn't doing anything wrong, so think twice before going down that road
Step 4. Make a surprise visit
Another way to find out someone's true intentions is to show up at the person's house unannounced - you could show up an hour earlier than scheduled to see if another girl is there or if the boy is suspiciously cleaning every room. Another option is to simply show up at the boy's doorstep at a time when he should be studying or working, and say that you were passing "through the neighborhood" and decided to bring you coffee or dessert. Notice if he looks happy to see you or if he gets nervous, as if he's hiding something - or someone.
Of course, he'll be suspicious if the surprise visit is completely absurd, but try to act natural if you've done it before and haven't had a problem
Step 5. Snoop around his stuff if you no longer have a problem betraying the guy's trust
Snooping around someone's belongings is never right and won't help you gain your boyfriend's trust, but you can check his cell phone or e-mail if you're really desperate and sure you want to go down that path. Also, look for objects and women's clothing in the boy's room. Snooping into someone's life is a last resort that should only be put into practice if you really need answers and nothing else has worked.
- The problem with this measure is that even if you find glaring evidence, you'll still have to admit you've done something wrong if you want to confront the guy. This will make the boy angry and take the focus off the real problem of the situation.
- Prepare an apology if you want to snoop on his cell phone - tell him that your phone's battery is dead and that you wanted to research a restaurant, or that you needed to check your emails quickly. While not very convincing, these excuses are better than nothing.
Step 6. Try to discover a lie
An alternative to discovering the truth is to try to catch the guy in the lie - if he says he spent Saturday in the company of friends, ask him how the night went the next time you meet these people. If the guy says he needs to stay home because his sister broke up with her boyfriend, talk to him after a few days and ask how his sister is doing - if you have no idea what you're talking about, that's a good sign of that the boy has already forgotten his own lie.
You can also ask simpler questions, such as what movie he saw when he went to the movies with friends - be wary if he looks embarrassed or clearly doesn't know the answer
Step 7. Trust your intuition, even if you don't have proof
Maybe it's time to put an end to the relationship if your instincts keep telling you that this boyfriend is no good, even without any hard evidence. Even if he's not dating other girls, a boy could still play with his feelings if he's not as involved as you are. So ditch this guy if you're truly suspicious of his intentions (as long as you're not a jealous person and you know you have real reasons to worry).
We can feel when we are next to someone who loves us and cares about us. When that happens, you won't have to spend hours trying to talk to a boy and wondering where he is, nor will you have any reason to stoop down, follow or snoop on someone else's life. You will know that person is 100% by your side, and that feeling is wonderful
- If you're having trouble getting over the breakup, think about all the things he's done to hurt and upset you.
- Any guy can act like an idiot.
- Forgetting a person can be very difficult, but it is necessary. So leave this guy behind.
- Remember that there are many little fish in the sea, and many better men than this one.
- Ask your close friends for their opinion about the boy's attitudes - it really helps.
- If he starts dating someone and seems to want to rub it in your face, do the same - or read articles on how to pretend you have a new boyfriend.
- Remember, end everything with a person who is playing with your feelings. You'll be hurt if you don't, and the rancor can haunt you and trigger nightmares for a while.
- Leave the person behind - he will repeat the same mistake if he has already done it once.
- Don't ask his friends questions.
- Don't talk about it with other people.
- Talk about it only with your best friends.
- Never say you like him.