You're stoked on a girl, ready to ask her out, when that bucket of cold water just falls on your head: she mentions her boyfriend. The heart almost stopped the surprise and disappointment! You're not the only one going through this, but the truth is, it's not a pleasant situation for anyone. While you need to respect the fact that she is already in a relationship, there is nothing to stop you from being friends. Don't try to get her to break up, but if you're both single at the same time, who knows what might happen?
Part 1 of 3: Cultivating Friendship
Step 1. Ask about the girl's interests
Creating a friendship connection with someone requires a minimum of curiosity to know what the person likes and what makes them happy. Believe in the power of random questions to get to know you better.
- Ask how she describes herself. It's a shortcut to find out more about the girl's personality. Probably, because it is an objective question, the chance of her answering honestly is much greater.
- Find out what fills you with pride. Positive questions will open you up about your accomplishments, skills, and talents.
- Ask questions related to her favorite things like movies, TV shows and singers or bands. You may find that you have a lot in common, which can help create an immediate bond.
- Ask her for her opinion about the things you like. The fact that you really like something and want to know what the girl thinks about it is a way of showing that you really value her opinion.
Step 2. Praise personality
She's beautiful, but you're trying to win her friendship, not hit it off. Avoid making comments about her appearance so as not to create an uncomfortable situation, especially knowing she has a boyfriend. Instead of talking about her looks or physical attributes, make comments related to the person's personality.
- Women like to be admired for what they do or what they are, not for their looks. Have you ever heard her speak in public and found her resourcefulness amazing? Make a compliment about it. Mention specific - and positive - things based on what you've observed.
- Above all, a compliment needs to be sincere. Don't take a finished line from a movie or any TV series, observe something you really admire about it and emphasize that quality.
- Women love compliments, but without disrespect or overstepping boundaries. Don't overdo the comments so you don't sound fake and desperate.
Step 3. Be helpful
There are many ways to show love to someone. In a friendly relationship, love needs to be expressed in an affectionate and light way. Offering a helping hand and being helpful will help bring you closer together.
- There are many ways to be helpful, from preparing a meal for the person to offering to pick them up at an appointment. Everyone needs help with something, finding a justification for doing a favor is not a difficult task.
- Remember that attitudes speak louder than words. You can even tell the girl she's wonderful, but even better than that is showing that you're there for her no matter what. It is these attitudes that solidify a friendship.
Step 4. Make her laugh
The best medicine in the world is a good laugh to lift the spirit. Sharing happy and fun moments helps to further strengthen the bonds between people. A good mood is almost like a magnet that attracts people in the same vibe. Plus, it's the best way to break the ice of embarrassment in the early stages of a relationship, whatever it is.
Laughter creates a positive bond between people. All good friendship relationships are based on positivity
Step 5. Create inside jokes
Comments or situations that only the two of you can understand make the relationship even closer and help solidify the friendship.
Part 2 of 3: Building Trust
Step 1. Don't flirt with her
This guidance is very important! If you like the girl, try to put the romantic side of your feelings out of your head. The task might not be the easiest, but you have to choose between being her friend or not being close at all. Don't let your feelings ruin the relationship.
Step 2. Act the same way you do with your male friends
When you see that you treat her the same way you treat the guys and that you don't make the effort to do more for her, the feeling of confidence in you will increase. But be warned: this doesn't mean acting impolite or disgusting - you just don't have to keep trying to impress her all the time.
Step 3. Spend more time with her
To further strengthen the relationship, try to spend more time with the girl and give her as much attention as you can. The friendship will develop so much more with this quality time together. Just don't forget that you are friends, nothing more than that.
- One of the keys to strengthening these bonds is the level and intensity of conversations. Make eye contact and pay attention to everything your friend says. Don't get distracted by doing other things while you're talking.
- Praising and showing yourself as a helpful person may not be enough to earn someone's trust, but knowing how to listen can. Leave her free to vent and expose her own feelings. You will see that from there the friendship will move to a deeper level of trust and encouragement.
Step 4. Offer support
As the friendship reaches new stages, don't be afraid to give it the attention it needs. In the face of life's challenges and difficult circumstances, show that you are by her side. Offer support and comfort at all times.
- Things can get complicated if she is having problems in the relationship, but be sure to offer the help she needs because of the feelings you have for her. First of all, remember that you are friends.
- Help her with small decisions, but not wanting to dictate rules. She doesn't need someone to tell her what to do, but advice can't hurt.
- Offer a friendly shoulder for her to cry on. Providing this kind of emotional support will make the girl eternally grateful.
Step 5. Learn to listen
To gain her trust, you have to be willing to listen to the issues. Practice active listening, repeating the most important information she mentions and giving your opinion on the issue. Even if you don't agree, be sure to hear what she has to say. Wait for her to get it all out before giving her opinion.
Avoid distractions during the conversation. Sit down next to her and listen carefully to what she is saying. Focus on the conversation and try to remember all the details
Step 6. Share things about yourself
After listening to what she has to say, share a little about yourself. To experience the real feeling of emotional closeness, talk about your life. She'll certainly be grateful that you offered a friendly shoulder, but she'll be even happier when she realizes that you trust her enough to open up too.
- Trust is a two-way street and requires a silent contract between the two parties. Pay attention to her, but let her take care of you too.
- Most people like to hear what others have to share. Don't feel bad about bringing up your problems, you also deserve to open up and have someone to listen to.
Part 3 of 3: Expressing Feelings
Step 1. Be aware that the friendship can come to an end
Is maintaining this “just good friends” relationship difficult for you? There is nothing to stop you from telling the whole truth, but this could be interpreted as selfishness on your part. What you will end up causing the girl is a huge headache, especially knowing that she is already committed to someone else. In the end, you run the risk of ruining everything.
Step 2. Be careful
Try to express your feelings in the healthiest way possible. It's important to approach the situation without being harsh or rude. She may be completely surprised to hear of your feelings, so don't try to make her feel guilty.
- Any kind of accusation, even if it's not intentional, can make you come out of this hurt. Say something like “I hope you don't think I'm betraying our friendship, but the more time we spend together, the more I like you. I know you love someone else and it's not my intention to disrupt your relationship, but know that if you ever feel the same way about me, I'll still want to be with you.”
- Share your feelings by always starting sentences with “I feel” or “I feel”. If you start off by saying “You make me feel…” it's going to sound like an accusation, like you're putting weight or blame on her.
- Talk about your feelings from your own perspective. It's a way of showing that you're talking about your subjective experience. Don't try to make the girl feel bad.
Step 3. Respect her situation
Remember, she is already dating someone else. Even if I think you are the best choice for the girl, just exposing your feelings puts her in a difficult situation. Like you, your friend also has thoughts, plans, dreams and hopes, and it's all very complex. She probably feels secure in the current relationship, and you've just made it all the more confused by saying you're into her crush.
Watch for verbal cues as you share your feelings. If she tries to change the subject, she might not feel very comfortable talking about it. Respect her choice not to address the issue
Step 4. Respect the limits
When a friendship is solid enough, the parties involved know how to recognize each other's boundaries. Don't cross the line of wisdom and respect. And as much as you have had some physical contact before, the current situation is different from all others.
Step 5. Try to open up emotionally
Opening your heart with someone isn't so easy, and before exposing yourself in this way, it's important to be fully emotionally aware. Show your true essence by eliminating all emotional barriers.
- You have complete freedom to decide the right time to express your real feelings. Sensitive situations like this require honesty, and if you're not willing to reveal everything that's in your heart, the other person won't be able to understand your side.
- By and large, society teaches us to repress true feelings, especially if they are considered "inappropriate." Telling a committed girl that you have a crush on her might not be seen as the most honorable thing to do in the world. On the other hand, your feelings are real, and exposing what you really feel is a right you have.
Step 6. Respect the girl's decision
In the end, she may end up choosing to give up your friendship. Even if you supported her when she needed it, she may still value the stability of a loving relationship more. It's hard to accept all of this, because you've probably envisioned something more meaningful next to her. Think that she may be a girl of many qualities, but she also has her faults.
Step 7. Don't get carried away by bitterness and self-pity
You knew you were entering a minefield by falling in love with this girl. Respecting her decision is respecting the friendship that has blossomed between you.