Chatting with girls is one thing, but getting to know them is another thing entirely! This is a task that requires a lot of work and a certain commitment on your part. To be successful, you need to know how to keep a good conversation and feel comfortable in the girl's presence, strengthening the bonds between you and increasing mutual trust. Come on?]
Part 1 of 3: Chatting with the girls
Step 1. Start with brief conversations
Instead of arriving and starting that chat for hours, try to chat for a while. If you want to invest in flirting and get the girl's attention, you need to talk to her often.
- For example, talk in the hallways of the school between classes. Exchange a few words and close with "We'll talk later."
- Always make it clear that you would like to speak to her again. That way she'll understand what's in your head and think about you in the meantime.
Step 2. Listen to everything she says
One of the best ways to get a girl to open up to you is to be a good listener. Focus on listening well, showing that you are interested in what she has to say.
- Don't control the conversation. Instead of arriving with the chat ready, telling a story or something, ask a question and hear her respond. Nod your head to show you're paying attention.
- When she is finished speaking, summarize what she said and call her name as you speak. So you show that you are really paying attention.
Step 3. Look into her eyes
Eye contact is very important when establishing a conversation. If you want to get to know the girl better, look her straight in the eye while they're talking.
If you have difficulty keeping your eye to the eye, practice a little! When watching TV, keep eye contact with actors and presenters as much as possible. Another option is to stare at a point on the face near the eyes, such as the nose, eyebrows, or elsewhere
Step 4. Smile to reassure her
If you want someone to open up to you, smile! Even if you're nervous or wanting to be serious, it's important to relax so that the other person relaxes too. Your "standard flirting face" should always be a smile!
Even if you don't want to get to know the girl in a romantic way, it's good to make it clear that you like talking to her and that you enjoy being in her presence. A smile helps a lot in this
Step 5. Interpret the girl's body language
It is very important to know that you are not bothering the other person. "Read" the girl's body language to find out if her presence is welcome. If you don't feel like talking, she'll end up doing one of the following things, which indicate that it's best to leave her alone:
- Stand with your arms crossed.
- Close face.
- Avoid eye contact.
- Keep a confused expression.
- Turn away from you.
- Give short, thick answers.
Step 6. Relax
If you get nervous every time you talk to a girl, try to calm down a bit. Act in a natural way, smiling and trying to keep a lighter and shorter conversation.
It's normal to be nervous when you think you have nothing to talk to her or think you're going to say something nonsense. Read the next steps to be a little more relaxed about this
Part 2 of 3: Knowing what to say
Step 1. Instead of talking about yourself, ask questions
It's normal to end up talking a lot about yourself when talking, especially if you're a man. If you are used to doing this because of nervousness, change tactics. Ask more questions and try to keep the girl talking about herself. That way, you relieve the pressure a bit and learn more about it.
- Ask questions that are complex but not too heavy. Be careful with matters, obviously. Asking her what she thought of the chemistry test is an interesting thing, but it's better to talk religion later.
- Ask open-ended questions. Ideally, avoid anything that can be answered with a single word, so you keep the conversation alive. Ask specific questions that need more complex answers.
Step 2. Look for common interests
If you want to start a chat and get to know the girl better, it's important to find something in common. Doing so will help build trust and fellowship, especially if you discuss these things regularly.
- If they study together, great! You already have a common topic! Talk about how things are going, how the geography teacher's class is boring, among other things like that. If possible, combine studying and doing work together!
- If you live in the same city, you also have something in common to discuss. Talk about local and specific things in the region where you live.
Step 3. Try to understand her sense of humor
It's much easier to talk to someone when you can make that person laugh. Is she sarcastic? Silly? Do you like silly jokes? Try to get her sense of humor right!
- Check out her Facebook profile. What movies does she like? What posts does she say "Haha" on?
- Be careful. If you really want to get to know the girl, don't use cheesy or "funny" lines, as that's the emptiest way to start a conversation with someone. This is not the way.
Step 4. Pick up something she has already said
Sometimes the second or third conversation with the person is more difficult than the first. After talking about the basics, what do you talk about? Learning to continue conversations is an essential conversational skill.
- Ask her what she's been up to since your last conversation. "How was that test?" or "How was the weekend?" are good options, for example. Another example: "Hi, how long! How's life been going?"
- If they're talking about a movie or a band, for example, do some research on the subject and pick it up in a future chat: "I heard that band you recommended. I really liked the second CD. Which is your favorite?"
Step 5. Don't argue, not even for fun
Combing the girl is a child's attitude. This is not a good way to get to know her better. If you like someone and want to know more about them, avoid arguments and controversial topics in the beginning.
- Some guys use the tactic of "subtly insulting" girls to make them more vulnerable. This is not a good way to get to know someone.
- It's normal to disagree with people. When you're closer to the girl, it's okay to disagree with her. Just be careful not to purposely antagonize her at first, or you could offend her.
Step 6. Don't follow a script
It is common to try to follow a script to escape nervousness when talking to the girl, but this will result in robotic and uncomfortable conversations. Even if you're nervous, don't be a little robot.
Part 3 of 3: Getting to know the girl better
Step 1. Spend more time alone
It's very difficult to get to know a person better in a group. If you want to strengthen the bonds, you need to be alone with the girl. Look for a place where they can talk calmly, such as a coffee shop or restaurant.
- If they study together, find a quiet corner to talk alone and develop conversation.
- It doesn't have to be an official meeting as this ends up putting more pressure on you. Just find an excuse to be alone with the girl.
Step 2. Ask deeper and more complicated questions
Over time, you'll need to move beyond talking about school, movies, and music. If you want to get to know the girl better, ask her opinion on more serious issues! Really talk!
- Stay informed about current events. Ask her opinion about the elections and other current issues! Find out what she cares about!
- Ask about her fears and concerns. What kind of person is she? What keeps her sleepy?
Step 3. Talk about the future
What does she want out of life? Where do you want to be in ten years? What makes you happy? Ask these important questions to get to know her better.
- If they study together, talk about future academic life. Where does she want to study? What do you want to study? What does she want to do in the future?
- If you don't study anymore, talk about where you want to go. Where does she want to live? Is she satisfied with the direction her life has taken? Want to start a family? Ask deep questions!
Step 4. It's important to open up too
Your goal shouldn't be just to impress her! You must be honest with the girl! Share your feelings and fears if you want to get to know her better. Open up and slap your face.
- Be careful not to go too deep and scare the girl. If you never talk about your life but ask everything about hers, your conversation will feel like an interrogation. Be very careful with this!
- Let her ask questions too, but don't wait for it. The two must share things equally. If she wants to talk more, however, let her.
Step 5. Meet her family
Seeing how someone interacts with family members is often a great way to get to know the person for who they really are! Family dynamics often influence how we act in general.
- It may take a while, but if you're seeing each other often, eventually you'll be invited over to her house. Obviously, don't invite yourself to this!
- Introduce yourself to her family and see how they react. Meeting someone's parents says a lot about the other person, believe me.
- Try to make her laugh.
- Be yourself! No more trying to look smarter or cooler than you really are.
- Ask her to have lunch with her friends if you think that might help her get more comfortable.
- Tease her and play with her, but don't laugh at her.
- When asking for her phone number, be kind and gentlemanly.