The feeling is familiar to anyone: in a bar, a nightclub or even on the street, you come face to face with the most amazing woman you've ever seen - whether because she has a stunning beauty, or because she has a smile that it inspires you to get to know her better - but the very idea of approaching her makes you nervous. You don't know what to say, you mumble incoherent words… In the worst cases, you don't even know how to say your own name. Read on to learn how to pick up women without getting overwhelmed by embarrassment or nervousness.
Part 1 of 3: Choosing an Effective Approach
Step 1. Know when to approach it
Whoever wants to win in the love game needs to choose the right target. The woman you want to approach should seem willing to meet new people - either because she's with boring company or because she's looking for fun. You can never say with certainty that a woman wants company, but a few signs can help you get a feel for that; to know:
- Obviously, the fact that she was looking in your direction. If she's looked at you more than once and smiled when she meets your gaze, it's probably yours - or certainly, if at least one of her friends looked at you and smiled. Go to her.
- She looks annoyed with her date. Maybe her friend's small talk is making her yawn, or her coworkers' excitement is making her eyes roll. Be a knight in shining armor: ride to her and save her from bad company. If you have interpreted the situation correctly, she will be very grateful to be able to change the scene.
- If she's on a date, don't approach her - unless he's evidently going from bad to worse. If her lips don't come apart from her consort's, leave her alone. On the other hand, if it seems to be the pair's first date and she seems upset or not getting the attention she'd like, rally all the courage you have and approach her when he's gone.
- Don't interrupt an animated conversation between her and her friend. Her being with a group of friends is one thing. But if you're chatting animatedly with a single friend and aren't even interested in the people around you, you must be catching up on the chat and won't like to be disturbed.
Step 2. Approach it with confidence
Now that you've studied your target, show yourself confident and passionate about what you do. Show your interest in meeting her, but make it clear that her rejecting you wouldn't be the end of the world. Remember: the woman will know whether or not she wants to get to know you better in the first 15 minutes of conversation. Use this time well. Do the following:
- Make eye contact. Try to meet her gaze without approaching at first. When you can make eye contact, start moving closer. There is no need to obsessively stare at it; just demonstrate that you can look at her calmly, without taking your eyes to the floor or your feet.
- He used to smile. The smile demonstrates ease and tranquility. It is important to emphasize that it is important to demonstrate that you are satisfied with yourself and that, even if she rejects you, you will keep your head held high.
- Don't neglect your posture and don't cross your arms. Your body language should be that of someone who is open to anything.
- Give her undivided attention. Don't get too close for now, but keep your body fully facing her and don't indulge in distractions such as checking the phone every five seconds - it would be better not to do it at all.
- Dressing well improves self-esteem, and it has nothing to do with wearing expensive clothes. Just shower every day and wear clothes that suit you.
Step 3. Open the conversation in style
Now that you're in front of the girl, you'll have to say the right thing to pique her interest. It will be difficult to recover the damage if you make a mistake while the girl still forms a first impression of you. Do the following:
- Relax. Nervousness is immediately noticeable and is not an attractive trait. Remember: the worst thing that can happen is she rejects you. Are you not able to survive this?
- Don't use beat pickup lines. Unless your sense of humor is silly, avoid those "aren't you tired of running through my thoughts all night?" lines. No woman will appreciate a lack of originality.
- Make it clear that she's the one you want to flirt with. Getting her friends' approval will be important, but your full attention should be devoted to her. Don't risk sounding like the kind of man who would approach a group of eight women with the intention of hooking any one of them (even if you're exactly that kind of man).
- Be direct: "May I join you?" If she seems upset with her date, you can be even more direct: "Would you like to come sit with me? I'd love to buy you a drink."
- Introduce yourself. Say his name and, if you want to be more cute and gentlemanly, give him a handshake.
Part 2 of 3: Catching Her Interest
Step 1. Make her feel like the most amazing woman in the world
Let's face it: everyone likes to feel special. Breathe that feeling into her, but don't be mushy. The best way to do this is to be authentic. Here's how to proceed:
- Ask questions about her - but avoid being eavesdropping or inconvenient. Ask her what she likes to do, if she likes the neighborhood she lives in, what team she supports, what TV shows she watches. The aim is to avoid that, when you say goodbye, you leave the impression that you haven't learned anything about the girl and that you just talked to her because you thought she was pretty.
- Ask her opinion. It shows you care what she thinks. You can ask her if she liked the cocktails at the bar or your shoes, for example.
- Don't be afraid to give compliments, even if you think you're tired of hearing them. If you found her beautiful, interesting, funny, say so. Just be unpretentious and sincere, and you won't cause any discomfort.
Step 2. Fascinate her
It takes more than lip service to charm a woman: make her want more from you. You should be not only good company for the bar table, but someone she wants to live with in more intimate contexts. Do the following:
- Show why you're special. Without bragging, mention two or three thought-provoking details about yourself: Did you learn Japanese on your own? Traveled the Brazilian coast on a motorcycle for a year? Excellent. Just don't make up stories.
- Find commonalities: a taste for college basketball league games, Mexican food… - anything that makes for a good conversation. Anything goes not to leave her thinking that you have no future for lack of common interests.
- Be interesting. Show that you read newspapers and are aware of what is happening in the world. Without being boring, comment on some recent fact that has caught your attention.
Step 3. Be yourself - up to a point
To put it another way: don't try to pass yourself off as someone you're not, but at the same time smooth out your quirks that might seem strange to someone who has just met you. Do the following:
- Don't be affected. Pretending you have all the women you want isn't going to get you anywhere. Just treat yourself well and get to know the woman you have in front of you better now. If you talk about other women, she'll think, "Why did he talk to me right away?"
- Show who you are: talk about your interests, what you do on the weekends, the trip you took to the countryside with your friends. All of this will help her see you as more than a cheap beau.
- Don't treat her like you would treat your friends. She may get to know you more deeply over time, but for now, avoid telling foul jokes and stories that might not make you look like a good catch.
Step 4. Delight her with your sense of humor
Women love men who make them laugh - especially when they don't have to. Be funny and able to talk about any topic. Don't try to be funny all the time, or she'll be embarrassed for you. Do the following:
- Be flexible. When she says something funny, offer an equally witty response instead of just laughing and commenting, "How funny you are!" This shows that you can keep pace with the conversation.
- Gently tease her. No woman can resist a joke - as long as it's done right. Play with something she said or with her laughter so that you can treat each other less formally.
- Laugh at yourself. Don't put yourself down, but don't take yourself too seriously either. Be the first to laugh at your own failures.
Part 3 of 3: Making a graceful exit
Step 1. Know when you are not welcome
Knowing how to leave gracefully is, above all, knowing when your presence is unwanted, which can be due to numerous reasons: the girl has not liked you (which is not the end of the world), she is compromised and not wanting to waste your time, or simply preferring to enjoy the company of friends over yours. If you feel left over, no matter the reason, leave.
- Leave her if the conversation stalls or if she prefers to use her cell phone rather than talk to you.
- Or if her friends ignore or roll their eyes at everything you say.
- As you leave, don't put yourself down by saying "well, it looks like you're not interested" or "I'm sorry I disturbed you." Just say, "It was great talking to you. See you later!"
- Come out with a smile on your face, even though inside you're devastated.
- On the other hand, if she laughs at what you say, has her gaze fixed on yours, tosses her hair and seems to enjoy it, it's time to take the next step.
Step 2. If the chat is flowing well, your saints have hit and the girl is interested, take the game to the next level
Isn't your goal to win the girl? What are you waiting for?
- If you're in a bar or a nightclub, you can say, "How about we talk in a quieter place?" Or: "How about we go somewhere else?".
- If the girl wants to spend the night but it's still risky to ask to be alone with her, ask if she and her friends would like to go to a quieter bar or a party at a friend's house, for example. Remember: she just met you. It's normal not to want to be alone with a new acquaintance, no matter how fun they are.
- If you can't invite her to your house on the first night, get her phone number. Do not get nervous. Make clear your intention to invite her on a date: "I loved our conversation. It would be nice for us to go out for drinks or dinner and get to know each other better. Can I have your number so we can fix this?"
- Rejection will come from time to time. Life is like this. Shake off the dust and try again.
- It is possible to pick up women outside bars and nightclubs. If you're interested in one you've met in a park or cafe, approach it - the surprise factor can work in your favor. Don't be pushy if you think she wants to be alone.
- Dress well and, most importantly, suitably. Don't go to a club in dress, and don't go to a club in jeans and a T-shirt.
- If you're with a friend when you encounter a potential target, don't be afraid. Your friend can indeed be a hotshot if she is willing to help you, as women place great importance on other women's opinions. However, this is seen as a low tactic. Don't do anything to suggest that you're seeing a woman who's thoughtful.
- Consider going to the bar with a group of friends who have a few women. In addition to suggesting that you're someone nice to be around, it creates a certain mystery and triggers the competitive instinct ("does he date any of them?").
- Remember: no one is obligated to give you time and attention. If the girl isn't on your toes (she turns away whenever she can, avoids your gaze, etc.), go for another one.
- If she's drunk to the point of having trouble walking, call a cab for her and send her home. Don't spend the night with someone who is too drunk to express consent. Taking advantage of someone else's drunkenness can be considered sexual harassment.